There was a time in this life that was my happiest but also the most sorrowful. In this short period I was allowed to live the highest feelings of gladness but also learned a lot of things. I have learned that a connection should never be one-way or the other one did not know what to begin with. And the moral was – but I hope it was not my final lesson – an elemental soul and a human soul can never be soul mates.

I never have had what is called numerous friendships, was always confronted with the words "You are strange". Thus made me very distrusting towards people around me and I preferred getting lost in astral travel rather than to live this world.

It was some time ago and I remembered that it happened with conversations in the internet when I met a young woman two years younger than me who was running away from her husband. A strange feeling of yearning came up in me and a strong sense of protection. Should I experience a true and real friendship now?

We came closer and shared so many things. After phoning, we met us in turns and really got a deep platonic feeling for each other. She was seeking my near, even sleeping beside me during the nights to feel herself save while hearing me breathing. I remembered that she liked touching and stroking my hair which gave me feelings of comfort. Someone here on Mother Earth needed me, cared for me. So I did for her.

She was living quite far away from me and I told her that it would not be a problem for me. I knew how to bridge distances and to scare my friend. One day she phoned me and was afraid being sure having heard me calling her name the night before and I stated her that I have "knocked" at her. I used this expression to explain that I had built up a telepathic link to her. I got deeper and told her about the sender-and-receiver effect by the means of a radio. Nevertheless it stayed one-sided and she never could cope with me having everything she could not have.

Within the year our feelings grew even deeper and stronger for each other. This I was experiencing from my part, only one-sided. I got glimpses of bad premonition but put them aside, not letting them penetrate me. One day, we had again an internet conversation which dealt about helping people. She reproached me with only helping her for satisfying my own purposes. That could not be! By explaining that she is no longer interested in walking with me the moonlit woods and being telepathically knocked at the night, she clearly stated the break of our soulmateship. Next day I tried to phone her. She never answered the call. I tried to visit her personally. She did not open. Miles I travelled for my soul mate until I admitted to myself that it was over.

She did not know what she was doing. How deep it hurt to break a telepathic link by force. I felt it psychically and physically. There were cramps in my chest as if my heart was aggressively torn out of me. When I closed my eyes I got horror visions, seeing my heart lying on the floor, breaking into thousands of pieces. And the first time in this life I got those feelings. Feelings everybody with a broken heart could get. The longing to give up, to soothe the pain of life, the redemption of pain. Giving up the life because it hurt so much. Thoughts of giving myself the end of days. Ponderings about suicide.

I tried everything to escape those thoughts: Astral travelling, meditation of all kinds and I succeeded at last. Before my inner eye I got the glimpse of a chance and it was a very spontaneous action that followed like being executed blindly. After the meditation, I started to plait a thick tress and cut it off, packed it into a parcel and sent it to my lost friend. With my hair went the eerie longing of killing myself. When some time of contemplation had passed, I was finally able to start processing my experience. My distrust towards people had grown but by finding my "true" path, I had the power and self-will to change things for me.

Nowadays, I think back to this time with mixed feelings and a hope still lingering that I once will experience "the real thing".