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Submitted on
September 29, 2012
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Golden shades lie on the autumnal wood.
The wood liked to talk in the speech of beech and oak.
Wild ducks who fly on sadly
Have nothing to regret and are far from this doom.

Being sorry - for whom?
We all are wandering, roving –
You come and go and leave the empty home.
It dreams of those who roam through the world
And deep in the pool the moonlight is drowning.

I am alone. Everywhere reigns silence.
The wild ducks have gone by the wind long ago.
I am yearning for the leaves' abundance –
On the damp woody ground multi-coloured jewels are gathering.

Although, the flames of colours are manifold,
The yellow foliage of the ashes stays tight.
I let my words fall sorrowfully
Like the trees let fall their leaves.

And once when time – in sign of new stars –
Will sweep away those leaves,
It must be said that the autumnal wood liked
To talk in its speech of beech and oak to them.
The multicoloured autumn leaves
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:iconbookloverblue:
bookloverblue Featured By Owner Oct 1, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
I really enjoyed this. The piece flows well, the imagery is wonderful, and I like the use of rhyme in the opening stanzas. 

I've seen ~shehrozeameen's comment, and with all due respect to both him and you, I would like to put forward some alternative suggestions. I know you've changed the "let the words fall" sentence already, and it still stands out as an interesting line as it is, but if you wanted to end with an adverb as opposed to a noun, "sorrowfully" or "sadly" would be good alternatives. Also, "Like the trees let fall their leaves", without the hyphen, does make grammatical sense in context, as you're creating a metaphor between your words and the trees. 

I realise that the current structure may be a stylistic choice, though, so I respect that, and ~shehrozeameen's suggestions, as implemented by you, do create an interesting-looking verse. Ultimately, it is up to you as the writer to decide how you want the piece to look and feel: many writers break convention for artistic reasons.
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:iconmalintra-shadowmoon:
Malintra-Shadowmoon Featured By Owner Oct 1, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist

Well, you are right, I changed it back into sorrowfully and removed the hyphen. I am no English native speaker so I listen to every hint that would correct false grammar.

 

Originally I had the sorrowful without the "ly" at the end.

 

I never caught the meaning of the noun "sadness" replacing the adverb, but I thought it was correct. Originally I wanted to write so sorrowful like the trees let fall their leaves, I let fall my words.

 

Hope the grammar fits now in this sense ^^

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:iconbookloverblue:
bookloverblue Featured By Owner Oct 1, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
It looks fine to me, and I'm English, but like I said, some people deliberately break the rules for artistic reasons. I hope my feedback helped you convey your intended meaning. 

The grammar and spelling in this poem is excellent. I wouldn't have thought that English wasn't your native language. English - my mother tongue - is the only language I know fluently enough to write in, so I have a lot of respect who those who can write in their non-native language! :)
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:iconmalintra-shadowmoon:
Malintra-Shadowmoon Featured By Owner Oct 3, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist

Yes, it really did help a lot. Many thanks for it.

Well, I have to admit that I have started to learn English at an early stage - maybe this could be a reason. But it will never reach native level, I guess.

Thanks a lot for your compliment.

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:iconbookloverblue:
bookloverblue Featured By Owner Oct 4, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
You're welcome! And don't give up - your English could reach native level one day! :)
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:iconshehrozeameen:
shehrozeameen Featured By Owner Sep 18, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
you might need to make some corrections in this poem:

I let my words fall sorrowful
Like the trees let fall their leaves.

Change the word "sorrowful" into "sadness"; add a "-" after "the trees"

Being sorry for whom?

add a "-" after "sorry"

With that said, the poem is a bitter tale. Its natural tone has a certain... darkness to it; as if the autumn has brought with it a realization that all things will not only come to an end, but bring with them a means to an end that cannot be altered or changed. Its a cold thought, but then again Nature is like that. A thought-provoking poem. Well done.
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:iconmalintra-shadowmoon:
Malintra-Shadowmoon Featured By Owner Sep 21, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist

Thanks a lot for pointing out the grammatical mistakes. I have changed them all.

Yes, it is a bitter tale in the case that everything comes to an end - but after the end everything will become new and this will be a very happy event. There cannot be something new without bringing the old to an end or letting go old habits etc.

Nature is like this too. Everything and everybody is like this. Birth and death is the circle of life. Without death, nothing new can be born. Life and world is subject to continual change and that is its and our purpose - continual change.

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:iconshehrozeameen:
shehrozeameen Featured By Owner Sep 25, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
:) Sure thing.

True. Very true.

continual change... well spoken.
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:iconmalintra-shadowmoon:
Malintra-Shadowmoon Featured By Owner Sep 29, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Comments and feelings are welcome :)
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