Sta.sh
I feel that something in the wood is other than usual.
There is a happy mood that is mysterious at the same time.
The senses are sharpened.
Like from afar I mean to hear the music of elves.
The songs they are singing are merry and joyous.
Songs that echo through the night that will not become dark.
Songs, penetrating deep into my soul.
That let me forget this world and make me dreaming.
But beyond all high mountains, under oaks and beeches dense.
There, where the moss has a sappy green and
The light breaks through the foliage,
Lies a pool deeply hidden, legendary and mythical,
Carries a whispering secret, conceals its power in the water.
Because thousands of elves were weeping, tears so enormously clear,
For the stream of life which had died tonight. For the oceans which do not breathe,
For the rivers deaf and blind, for the once so beautiful lakes which are only dried.
For the trees and the plants around lying in their agonies.
Nothing of the cheerful songs will ever dry their pain.
I feel some hope in endless pain as the wind is whirling, in a blue and silver band,
Through the night, carrying the voices of endless laughter - of my folk.
The shining moon and twinkling stars are looking down on the shimmering water,
Where oaks and beeches still dense, and murmuring water bringing comfort and ease.
Our sadness was endless, the pool was filling with salt.
Each tear was a thought of an animal in the realms of water,
Each tear was a thought of a tree in the realms of Mother Earth.
Each tear harbours the hope that this water will never dry up
And will gently rock the newly awakened life on its waves.
In a starlit night, moon's silvery light, breaks through to the clearing
of the wood, touching softly the silently pool, like casting a spell of magic.
The song of songs is born. The song of love and of beauty. The song of hope,
drying the tears, soothing the pain, chasing the sorrow.
That song can only be heard when sky and earth will unite, in a loving dance.
Then the sunlight will mingle with starlight so that nothing will ever disturb the peace.
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Prettyflour here from
I'd like to start with the first two stanzas. I liked the way you ended the first stanza. As soon as I read, The senses are sharpened. I asked myself, what senses? And then in the second stanza, you answered my question perfectly. For me, this is a great start. You've peaked my interest and made me want to keep reading. You've also created a very... magical feel to this. My only criticism would be the last word in the second stanza. You used: make me dreaming.
I think dream would have worked better.
Onto the third stanza. I simply love the imagery you created. I feel as though I can picture the beautiful scene. But I felt the wording in the last sentence was...off. I tried reading it several times (both silent and aloud) and something was not quite working for me...
You wrote: Carries a whispering secret, conceals its power in the water.
I would have used: Carrying a whispered secret, concealing its power in the water.
I loved the fourth stanza! The emotion of the poem turned sad, a sense of loss creeping in. You followed up wonderfully with the fifth stanza, a new sense of hope or kinship forming. In the sixth stanza the use of repetition is a nice change and yet it still flows.
You ended it well- the last stanza had a finality to it, and a sense of fantasy which I quite enjoyed.
I hope this was helpful. If you'd like to discuss, please feel free to reply.
Thank you and have a wonderful day!
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